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As the saga of a young footballer continues, things have taken a turn for the better for our protagonist…

Hello Falming [sp]

How are you doing?I will Like to inform you that the club have just contacted me Today that you have pass the screening and you are selected for a try-out on 25th September 2007.

The Agency will take care of your expences(Feeding,Travelling,Accomodation E.t.c)

So i will like to know if you are still intrested so i can send you the Agency Agreement Form…i will Like you to train very hard.

.call me on +2348050355768 for more information….

hoping to hear from you soon…

Thanks

Mr John

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With the transfer season window closing in like doors of a subway car, players and coaches are rushing to get on the right side of the tracks.  One club, PSV Eindhoven has become so desperate they have sought out the efforts of an extremely talented and good looking but somewhat renegade player, namely Me.  I received the following correspondence a few days ago.

Hello Player,

How are you doing today? Hope you are fine. I just want to use this opportunity to inform you of the new offer which i have for you in
P.S.V Eindhoven Football club in Holland, and I can also take you to a
soccer club in New-Zealand,Australia and United State of America. If you are interested, i will advice you to send me your CV(RESUME) so that i can access and forward to the club. As i told you earlier on that Trends
will serve you and link you to the best team suited your taste but you need
to train hard. I also want to advice you to take the Full advantage which
Trends International have for you. I want you to include your
telephone
Number in your next reply so that i can call you for better
explanation. Thank you and Hope to hear from you.

YOURS IN SPORTS

MR JOHN

TRENDS INTERNATIONALS SPORTS

I have frequently received offers to join Droylsden and Wrexham but the chance to play in the European theater was not a chance I could pass up.  So I duly responded….

 Dear Mr. John,

I am very interested in your email.  Bellow I have listed my soccer experience and profile for your information.  I look forward to hearing back from you in the near future and greatly anticipate a strong partnership between the two of us in the world of football.

FlamingWok66, 22.
Nationality: British
Religion: Football
Positions:  Left Back, Missionary

Experience:
2007- Ron T. Colts Kickball tournament  – 2nd place

2006-2007 SOCA Division II  – Captain CSKA Elmo
2005-2006 SOCA Division III – Captain CSKA Elmo

2004-2005 SOCA Tornadoes- Coach (14W-1L)

2003 – Vice-Captain Cross Country Bryanston School, England

                                                Colours awarded (2002,2003)

1992 – Wolves (Atlanta, YMCA)
1991-  Attack ( Atlanta, YMCA)

I hope you find the above information helpful as we scribble the beginnings of football history back and forth.

Yours Truly,
FlamingWok

I received the following correspondence but a few minutes ago:

Hello Flaming

   How are you doing?i will like to inform you that  i Love your Cv when i saw it yesterday and i will tell you i have forwarded your  Cv to P.S.V Eindhoven Football club in Holland for screening…

   i will contact you maybe today or tomorrow when the club contact me on the result….

  I will like you to send me your cell phone number and here is my number to call me +2348050355768  hoping to hear from you ..

 Are you training oftenly?????

  Thanks

Mr John

I will keep you updated on my career but don’t be surprised to see a ridiculously good looking new player at PSV.

It’s been quite the exciting weekend for the WWFU. Not only did my beloved Liverpool win the type of tough road game that they have always dropped points from in previous seasons (although I can’t link to a video of the Gerrard free kick because some fucking Premier League suit decided that allowing a global fanbase to grow by posting highlights on the internet is too smart of an idea), but our humble publication enjoyed its two biggest days ever thanks to being linked to by Weekend Daddy #1 over at Deadspin. Also, the Pubes tag debuted, and thanks to the Deadspin link it will probably be the most popular category ever for the WWFU.

Now, on a football related topic, a warrant was issued for the arrest of City owner, and former Thai Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra.

Thailand is seeking extradition, and this could jeopardise his ownership of the club, as FA rules state that only “fit and proper persons” may own football clubs. I don’t really know that much about Thailand, save for the fact that they are known for ladyboys, but I don’t know if a charge brought by a government imposed by military junta carries that much weight.

And for shits and giggles, here is a picture of a popular Thai ladyboy band. Feel free to question your sexuality.

It appears as if Brian at The Offside has found a video of the Gerrard goal that has yet to be taken down by the BPL Gestapo. I won’t post it here, but if you follow the above link you can see it.

Also, it seems as if Peter Crouch has challenged the rest of the Liverpool squad to a facial hair growing contest. The garbage-ass article in the Mirror that I linked to seems to insinuate that there has not been a successful athlete with facial hair in a long time. What it neglects to consider, though, is that Liverpool and mustaches go together like beans and toast. Perhaps channeling some of the mustaches of old will be what brings LFC number 19. Below is a look at a few historical Liverpool ‘staches.

Graeme Souness:

While some people may only know Souness for his mostly disastrous managerial career, he is probably the finest midfielder to ever play at Liverpool football club. All that needs to be said about him is even his mustache is hard.

Ian Rush:

The all time leading scorer in the English First Division (though Sky will have you believe that nothing existed before 1992, Alan Shearer is not, in fact, the greatest goalscorer in the history of the English game), Rushie would not have been the same player if it were not for his trademark ‘stache.

Bruce Grobbelaar:

Famous for pioneering the wobbly legs that Dudek used in 2005, Grobbelaar was known for his adventuresome nature at the back, match-fixing allegations (never proved–fuck you Sun), and his sweet ‘stache.

And of course, no Liverpool mustache related post would be complete without the Scouser-stache picture. I don’t care that it is derogatory, it’s damn funny.

Here at the WWFU we tend to be Premier-League-centric, but I have a soft spot for the German Bundesliga because I have a nagging suspicion that it is more exciting than the BPL.

Not only is it more exciting, but it is also much stranger in that German Schiesseporn kind of way. Apparently an unnamed footballer of last season’s champions VfB Stuttgart was really bored this summer and decided to shave his pubes into the club’s crest (although I suppose, grammatically speaking, that should read decided to shave the club’s crest into his pubes). However phrased, though, you’ve got to love that commitment to team spirit.

Flamingwok66: I tried out for a D1 Atlanta Soccer team last night
EroticTangerines: haha….how’d that go
Flamingwok66: those guys are a bunch of pansies
They took me off, conceeded 3 goals and then put me back on.
but I seem to have found the arsenal of D1. Absolutely no finishing ability.
EroticTangerines: That makes them the Liverpool as well, then
although I’m expecting big things out of El Nino
Flamingwok66: We played in the Atlanta siverbacks stadium which was really cool
big ads for Tecate and western union
EroticTangerines: so they can send money back to Mexico…makes sense
I think we need to blog more…the season is about to start
Flamingwok66: I concur.
Need to get [MarkalmGlazer] back posting as well
no one there to blow the trumpet of the community shield.
EroticTangerines: yeah, I had numerous Man U related posts I wanted to do during the summer but I didn’t want to steal his thunder

That was just a small excerpt of how the braintrust behind the WWFU works. After a lazy summer of posting whenever we feel like it (not often) it is time to get back down to business. So, in theory, there should be posts coming more frequently than they have been. We may even track down some of the more elusive elements of the staff.

Goodbye

I’d like to just take a moment to dedicate this to T.H. 14

Yours Always,  Jon Chile.