We all know Rio as that delightful defender who holds steady the back line of Manchester United and England. He loves Jaffa Cakes, has an uncanny resembelence to Star Wars character Jar Jar Binks, and controls the airwaves in the southend of Old Trafford. His idol: Ashton Kutcher. Unbeknownst to many, Rio started off last summer by punking a couple of his fellow England teammates. It is highly enjoyable watching these players making an ass out of themsleves and Rio showing what an absolute bell-end he is.
After reading an excellent article on today’s Guardian SportBlog about how most English football fans are ignorant, xenophobic, jerk-offs (that’s American for wanker), I tried to look at things from their perspective. The biggest fear seems to be the Americanization of the game, or to use an example, the turning of the Premier League into some sort of version of the NBA, the worst league in all of sport. This got me to thinking about what the league would look like, and the nightmare follows after the jump.
Bambino Pons day continues here at the WWFU Headquarters with this Coca-Cola commerical from Argentina. The Pons lends his voice to the commerical, although it cuts off before he starts singing. There’s something not quite right about those muppets, though.
Oh, and I think pretty soon we’re going to need to institute a Bambino Pons tag.
My life is now complete. Occasionally, while scouring YouTube for Spanish Primera highlights, which they never show in America, my ears would be blessed by the voice of an angel, albeit a slightly off key one. Today I found out that angel has a name, and it is “Bambino” Pons.
The Pons is an Argentine announcer, I believe for FoxSport, who has a unique style, to say the least. Those douches who did all the World Cup games in the US last summer could learn a thing or two from him. I’m getting all stabby just thinking about them.
Interweb prankster? German guitar guru? Motorcycle Hall of Famer? Aussie-rules football star? Wenger’s newest fancy? or Last seasons most unrecognized premiership player? Upon close scrutiny of the official Premiership website, Arsenal has been hiding an extra player. Unknown, Steve Baker plays defence and shares number 6 with the Swiss Cheese, Philippe Senderos. One fact can be stated with about the newest discovery for the Gunners, is that he has become and instant hit. With ‘Baker’ shirt sales going through the roof in Cambodia and Nicaruagua, one can only suppose that this was the Arsenal management’s most Machiavellian move. Rumors have it that Derby plans to invent a player called Chang. The financial avalance that is forcasted to follow will provide them with enough money to purchase Henry from Barcalona.
I saw this little tidbit in the Guardian today and felt that I would be remiss if I did not post it here. It seems as if Franco Foda, pictured above, has one of the most vulgar names in football history. I’ll allow Abendzeitung München sports editor Florian Kinast to tell the story:
“I remember Franco Foda, a three-time German Cup winner with Kaiserslautern, Leverkusen and Stuttgart between 1990 and 1997 and now head coach of Austrian team SK Sturm Graz,” writes Florian. “Despite his success elsewhere he only played twice for Germany, making his debut away to Brazil in December 1987. Obviously this would usually be a great honour, but not so much in Foda’s case. He came on as a substitute with eight minutes to go, emerging to howls of laughter from the stands as his name went up on the scoreboard. Franco foda, sadly, means “fucking for free” in Portuguese. Brazil’s players may have been distracted a bit, too: Stefan Reuter snatched an equaliser in the 90th minute.”
And here I thought that Anal Johnson was the dirtiest football name I’d ever heard. I stand corrected.
Not since the dissolution of the Kalmar Union has there been such hostility between Denmark and Sweden. The end of the Euro 2008 qualifier between the two nations was marred by Christian Poulsen, who incidentally was the player spat upon by Francesco Totti in Euro 2004, going batshit crazy and a Danish supporter attacking the referee. Poulsen has made a name for himself as a physical player, although this may have been taking it a bit too far. As for the Danish fan, his actions are not surprising if the following video is any indication of the Danish national mindset.
In the off season one has to think of better things to do than watch boring international matches that feature little more than a friendly exchange of volleys and a chance for Kaka to pose for the cameras. One of the features that I will take interest in over the break is a West End performance of Chelski: The Musical. It features the trials and tribulations of the premiership’s most outspoken character, Jose Mourinho. I am quite looking forward to the whole thing especially when Drogba sings the climactic solo. Here is a sneak peak:
I had been meaning to put this up since last week, when I saw it in the Guardian, but have only gotten around to it now. Seeing as how the WWFU is staffed by supporters of Liverpool, Manchester United, and Arsenal, it was convenient that the players of all three of these clubs have, at some point in history, recorded some absolutely awful songs. Of the three, I have to say that the Liverpool one is the best, and not because I am a Liverpool supporter but because they seem to know that they are terrible. Any song that features people drunkenly singing about how funny foreigners’ accents are is alright with me. As for the other two, they bring to mind images of leather and hot pants (especially the Arsenal one).
Summer time is always a period of great speculation and madness. Oil prices increase dramatically, futures are patched together in the blazing heat on a graduation ceremony, and betting pools form speculating how long it takes before it is revealed that MG does not know how to fly fish. One trend this summer that seems to be following the Arsenal is that it seems quite in fashion to be leaving rather than coming. Liverpool seem to attract some quality with their European performance this year, Manchester United have the premiership behind them, and Chelsea always have their money. However, Arsenal having come up with nothing but the FA Cup (Ladies), are faced with what appears to be a mass exodus at this point. Baptista has already been told his load won’t be extended and the boys in North London are looking for somewhere else to dump Reyes. Speculation is strife about R. Van Persie being sold to Bayern and Lujnberg looked to be on his final legs this past season. On top of that, with David Dein gone, the likes of Wenger and Henry are in doubt. With Marsailles in the Champions League next year, Wenger’s boy crush Ribery might look like he is going to stand us up. On the 17th of May The Daily Mail reported that Arsenal could let up to 11 players go. This would result in yet another team building year for Arsenal. Hopefully the women can keep bringing home the bread while the Gunners purges its ranks. In times like these one must turn to wise Seneca who once said, In Arsene speramus…
r? German guitar guru? Motorcycle Hall of Famer? Aussie-rules football star? Wenger’s newest fancy? or Last seasons most unrecognized premiership player? Upon close scrutiny of the official Premiership website, 
