Here at the WWFU we tend to be Premier-League-centric, but I have a soft spot for the German Bundesliga because I have a nagging suspicion that it is more exciting than the BPL.
Not only is it more exciting, but it is also much stranger in that German Schiesseporn kind of way. Apparently an unnamed footballer of last season’s champions VfB Stuttgart was really bored this summer and decided to shave his pubes into the club’s crest (although I suppose, grammatically speaking, that should read decided to shave the club’s crest into his pubes). However phrased, though, you’ve got to love that commitment to team spirit.
Flamingwok66: I tried out for a D1 Atlanta Soccer team last night EroticTangerines: haha….how’d that go Flamingwok66: those guys are a bunch of pansies
They took me off, conceeded 3 goals and then put me back on.
but I seem to have found the arsenal of D1. Absolutely no finishing ability. EroticTangerines: That makes them the Liverpool as well, then
although I’m expecting big things out of El Nino Flamingwok66: We played in the Atlanta siverbacks stadium which was really cool
big ads for Tecate and western union EroticTangerines: so they can send money back to Mexico…makes sense
I think we need to blog more…the season is about to start Flamingwok66: I concur.
Need to get [MarkalmGlazer] back posting as well
no one there to blow the trumpet of the community shield. EroticTangerines: yeah, I had numerous Man U related posts I wanted to do during the summer but I didn’t want to steal his thunder
That was just a small excerpt of how the braintrust behind the WWFU works. After a lazy summer of posting whenever we feel like it (not often) it is time to get back down to business. So, in theory, there should be posts coming more frequently than they have been. We may even track down some of the more elusive elements of the staff.
It appears the greatest transfer of the season was not Torres, Nani, or Henry but nine year old Rhain Davis. Manchester United have once again stolen the steal of the summer by signing Davis from Moreton Bay Boys in Brisbane for an undisclosed fee. However some sources suggest the fee could add up to about 3 packets of twiglets and the complete soundtrack of “High School: the musical”. The signing has raised red flags amongst certain child interest groups who believe that the signing might add evidence to the claim that Sir Alex Ferguson runs a pedophile ring. The child watch agency however is unable to investigate further into the matter as they are busy scrutinizing Thaksin Shinawatra’s sweat shops. One thing is for certain though, Sir Alex’s “boys” carries a much darker connotation from now on.
Monday morning, three clubs–Newcastle United, Portsmouth, and Glasgow Rangers–were raided by City of London police as part of an investigation into corruption in football. Details are hard to come by, but thanks to some sort of email snafu, I have been accidentally sent a list of the next clubs to be raided.
Sheffield United – Treason
As the above video proves without a shadow of a doubt, Sheffield United is Hitler’s favorite team. Hitler sucks (so does Sheffield United). Even though he’s been dead for 60 years, I’m pretty sure he’s up to something. The police seem to think so too.
Liverpool – Illegal Immigration
As every red-blooded American knows, there is no difference between Spainiards and Mexicans. Liverpool has a shitload of Mexicans on their team. Every Mexican dreams of sneaking into America and mooching off of the hard-working American taxpayer. Thus, Liverpool’s stockpiling of Mexicans must be related to some sort of international Mexican smuggling syndicate.
Arsenal – 419 Scamming
As far as I know, Arsenal does not have any Nigerians on their team. The police investigators are convinced, though, that with all the young African talent that comes through Arsenal they are bound to know something about the 419 scams. I would say more but the son of a Nigerian diplomat needs my help getting his father’s $150 million fortune out of the country.
There is no better way to inaugurate the new, more mature, WWFU than by having the meanest bastard to ever play the game weigh in on something, in this case David Beckham. In the Guardian Sport blog Vinnie talks about Beckham’s impact as a celebrity, Patrick Swayze being a cinema legend, and playing tennis with Claudia Schiffer and Pete Sampras. It’s a pretty interesting read.
Also, no Vinnie Jones post would be complete without his finest moment on the silver screen.
According to some sort of algorithim that gives blogs a MPAA style rating, the WWFU is rated PG. When was the last time you saw a PG rated movie? I think the last one I saw was Night at the Museum, and I only saw it because it was New Year’s Day and I was so hungover that the mere thought of an adult situation made me sick(er) to my stomach. Fear not, though; from now on we will be making a concerted effort to garner ourselves at least a PG-13.
I’m off to Germany for the next week, so I most likely won’t be able to do a timely Fernando Torres day if he, in fact, does join Liverpool from Athletico Madrid as is being reported. So, if in the next week Torres does sign I leave you with this video. If he doesn’t sign this goes out as a tribute to Alan Partridge’s estranged son.
ESPN Soccernet has the headline “Henry Signs For Barca.” Meanwhile, the Beeb merely says that the Arsenal striker and Barcelona are in talks. The figure they are reporting as a transfer fee is £16m, which makes Charlton’s valuation of Darren Bent (£17m) seem even more ridiculous. The Daily Mail is also reporting this as a done deal, as well as quoting the same figure as the BBC.
If this is, in fact, true, I can see some Arsenal fans crying themselves to sleep tonight. If not, I can see some people getting sued.
Since I really don’t know what’s going on, I present the following:
I don’t understand this commercial. The reasoning behind it is that David Beckham supposedly, “wanted to teach an old dog new tricks.” However, this leads one to believe that he knew that it was Scooby all along in the knight suit, an act gravely out of character for the cowardly canine. Was this collusion between Scoob and Mr. Posh Spice? If so, who actually was being taught a new trick? What is wrong with Shaggy’s voice? These questions–and many others–will be answered on the next episode of Soap.
It appears the greatest transfer of the season was not Torres, Nani, or Henry but nine year old Rhain Davis. Manchester United have once again stolen the steal of the summer by signing Davis from Moreton Bay Boys in Brisbane for an undisclosed fee. However some sources suggest the fee could add up to about 3 packets of twiglets and the complete soundtrack of “High School: the musical”. The signing has raised red flags amongst certain child interest groups who believe that the signing might add evidence to the claim that Sir Alex Ferguson runs a pedophile ring. The child watch agency however is unable to investigate further into the matter as they are busy scrutinizing Thaksin Shinawatra’s sweat shops. One thing is for certain though, Sir Alex’s “boys” carries a much darker connotation from now on.
