I’d like to just take a moment to dedicate this to T.H. 14

Yours Always,  Jon Chile.

ESPN Soccernet has the headline “Henry Signs For Barca.” Meanwhile, the Beeb merely says that the Arsenal striker and Barcelona are in talks. The figure they are reporting as a transfer fee is £16m, which makes Charlton’s valuation of Darren Bent (£17m) seem even more ridiculous. The Daily Mail is also reporting this as a done deal, as well as quoting the same figure as the BBC.

If this is, in fact, true, I can see some Arsenal fans crying themselves to sleep tonight. If not, I can see some people getting sued.

Since I really don’t know what’s going on, I present the following:

                                                        Interweb prankster? German guitar guru? Motorcycle Hall of Famer? Aussie-rules football star? Wenger’s newest fancy? or Last seasons most unrecognized premiership player? Upon close scrutiny of the official Premiership website, Arsenal has been hiding an extra player. Unknown, Steve Baker plays defence and shares number 6 with the Swiss Cheese, Philippe Senderos.  One fact can be stated with about the newest discovery for the Gunners, is that he has become and instant hit.  With ‘Baker’ shirt sales going through the roof in Cambodia and Nicaruagua, one can only suppose that this was the Arsenal management’s most Machiavellian move.  Rumors have it that Derby plans to invent a player called Chang.  The financial avalance that is forcasted to follow will provide them with enough money to purchase Henry from Barcalona.

I had been meaning to put this up since last week, when I saw it in the Guardian, but have only gotten around to it now. Seeing as how the WWFU is staffed by supporters of Liverpool, Manchester United, and Arsenal, it was convenient that the players of all three of these clubs have, at some point in history, recorded some absolutely awful songs. Of the three, I have to say that the Liverpool one is the best, and not because I am a Liverpool supporter but because they seem to know that they are terrible. Any song that features people drunkenly singing about how funny foreigners’ accents are is alright with me. As for the other two, they bring to mind images of leather and hot pants (especially the Arsenal one).

The Anfield Rap

Move, Move, Move (The Red Tribe)

Hot Stuff (Arsenal)

Summer time is always a period of great speculation and madness.  Oil prices increase dramatically, futures are patched together in the blazing heat on a graduation ceremony, and betting pools form speculating how long it takes before it is revealed that MG does not know how to fly fish.  One trend this summer that seems to be following the Arsenal is that it seems quite in fashion to be leaving rather than coming.  Liverpool seem to attract some quality with their European performance this year, Manchester United have the premiership behind them, and Chelsea always have their money.  However, Arsenal having come up with nothing but the FA Cup (Ladies), are faced with what appears to be a mass exodus at this point.  Baptista has already been told his load won’t be extended and the boys in North London are looking for somewhere else to dump Reyes.  Speculation is strife about R. Van Persie being sold to Bayern and Lujnberg looked to be on his final legs this past season.  On top of that, with David Dein gone, the likes of Wenger and Henry are in doubt.  With Marsailles in the Champions League next year, Wenger’s boy crush Ribery might look like he is going to stand us up.  On the 17th of May The Daily Mail reported that Arsenal could let up to 11 players go.  This would result in yet another team building year for Arsenal.  Hopefully the women can keep bringing home the bread while the Gunners purges its ranks.  In times like these one must turn to wise Seneca who once said, In Arsene speramus…

Perhaps the title of this post goes a little bit overboard, but I was at least a little bit surprised when I saw that Spurs fansite TOPSPURS and Arsenal fansite ArseWEB both list Andrew Ridgeley, best known as “the other guy from Wham!,” as fans of their respective clubs. I think it’s pretty easy to see why both clubs would be so eager to claim him, as I’ve always thought that he was the true driving force behind the group. We’ll just have to add this to the list of reasons for the clubs’ supporters to hate each other, right above the soon to be added “Spurs pipping Arsenal for fourth.”

In light of the recent allegations that six members of the Czech national team, including vice-captain Tomas Rosicky, were caught cavorting with hookers late into the night after their 2-1 defeat to Germany, I have taken it upon myself to defend Rosicky’s honor.

The Czech journalist who broke the story claims that the players “drank and hugged prostitutes.” I think it is safe to assume that this is as far as it went, as Rosicky, being an Arsenal man, would rather make the extra pass–which in this convoluted analogy means more hugging–than go for goal.