Fuck you Sam Allardyce, you fucking bitch. A few weeks back you are criticizing Rafa Benitez for prioritizing the Champions League; essentially a response to his complaint about always having a noon fixture after a midweek Champions League game. Now, you are complaining about players being tired from competing in more than one competition, and you even talk about how well you do against teams that are tired from playing in the Champions League. You deserve to be stuck at a shit club you fucking provincial peasant.

Prior to what will undoubtedly be a poor performance from the England national team, here are the highlights from the best England performance in recent memory. Interesting to note that all the England goals are scored by Liverpool players. Crouchy for a hat-trick, then.

It’s been quite the exciting weekend for the WWFU. Not only did my beloved Liverpool win the type of tough road game that they have always dropped points from in previous seasons (although I can’t link to a video of the Gerrard free kick because some fucking Premier League suit decided that allowing a global fanbase to grow by posting highlights on the internet is too smart of an idea), but our humble publication enjoyed its two biggest days ever thanks to being linked to by Weekend Daddy #1 over at Deadspin. Also, the Pubes tag debuted, and thanks to the Deadspin link it will probably be the most popular category ever for the WWFU.

Now, on a football related topic, a warrant was issued for the arrest of City owner, and former Thai Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra.

Thailand is seeking extradition, and this could jeopardise his ownership of the club, as FA rules state that only “fit and proper persons” may own football clubs. I don’t really know that much about Thailand, save for the fact that they are known for ladyboys, but I don’t know if a charge brought by a government imposed by military junta carries that much weight.

And for shits and giggles, here is a picture of a popular Thai ladyboy band. Feel free to question your sexuality.

It appears as if Brian at The Offside has found a video of the Gerrard goal that has yet to be taken down by the BPL Gestapo. I won’t post it here, but if you follow the above link you can see it.

Also, it seems as if Peter Crouch has challenged the rest of the Liverpool squad to a facial hair growing contest. The garbage-ass article in the Mirror that I linked to seems to insinuate that there has not been a successful athlete with facial hair in a long time. What it neglects to consider, though, is that Liverpool and mustaches go together like beans and toast. Perhaps channeling some of the mustaches of old will be what brings LFC number 19. Below is a look at a few historical Liverpool ’staches.

Graeme Souness:

While some people may only know Souness for his mostly disastrous managerial career, he is probably the finest midfielder to ever play at Liverpool football club. All that needs to be said about him is even his mustache is hard.

Ian Rush:

The all time leading scorer in the English First Division (though Sky will have you believe that nothing existed before 1992, Alan Shearer is not, in fact, the greatest goalscorer in the history of the English game), Rushie would not have been the same player if it were not for his trademark ’stache.

Bruce Grobbelaar:

Famous for pioneering the wobbly legs that Dudek used in 2005, Grobbelaar was known for his adventuresome nature at the back, match-fixing allegations (never proved–fuck you Sun), and his sweet ’stache.

And of course, no Liverpool mustache related post would be complete without the Scouser-stache picture. I don’t care that it is derogatory, it’s damn funny.

Here at the WWFU we tend to be Premier-League-centric, but I have a soft spot for the German Bundesliga because I have a nagging suspicion that it is more exciting than the BPL.

Not only is it more exciting, but it is also much stranger in that German Schiesseporn kind of way. Apparently an unnamed footballer of last season’s champions VfB Stuttgart was really bored this summer and decided to shave his pubes into the club’s crest (although I suppose, grammatically speaking, that should read decided to shave the club’s crest into his pubes). However phrased, though, you’ve got to love that commitment to team spirit.

Flamingwok66: I tried out for a D1 Atlanta Soccer team last night
EroticTangerines: haha….how’d that go
Flamingwok66: those guys are a bunch of pansies
They took me off, conceeded 3 goals and then put me back on.
but I seem to have found the arsenal of D1. Absolutely no finishing ability.
EroticTangerines: That makes them the Liverpool as well, then
although I’m expecting big things out of El Nino
Flamingwok66: We played in the Atlanta siverbacks stadium which was really cool
big ads for Tecate and western union
EroticTangerines: so they can send money back to Mexico…makes sense
I think we need to blog more…the season is about to start
Flamingwok66: I concur.
Need to get [MarkalmGlazer] back posting as well
no one there to blow the trumpet of the community shield.
EroticTangerines: yeah, I had numerous Man U related posts I wanted to do during the summer but I didn’t want to steal his thunder

That was just a small excerpt of how the braintrust behind the WWFU works. After a lazy summer of posting whenever we feel like it (not often) it is time to get back down to business. So, in theory, there should be posts coming more frequently than they have been. We may even track down some of the more elusive elements of the staff.

Monday morning, three clubs–Newcastle United, Portsmouth, and Glasgow Rangers–were raided by City of London police as part of an investigation into corruption in football. Details are hard to come by, but thanks to some sort of email snafu, I have been accidentally sent a list of the next clubs to be raided.

Sheffield United – Treason

As the above video proves without a shadow of a doubt, Sheffield United is Hitler’s favorite team. Hitler sucks (so does Sheffield United). Even though he’s been dead for 60 years, I’m pretty sure he’s up to something. The police seem to think so too.

Liverpool – Illegal Immigration

As every red-blooded American knows, there is no difference between Spainiards and Mexicans. Liverpool has a shitload of Mexicans on their team. Every Mexican dreams of sneaking into America and mooching off of the hard-working American taxpayer. Thus, Liverpool’s stockpiling of Mexicans must be related to some sort of international Mexican smuggling syndicate.

Arsenal – 419 Scamming

As far as I know, Arsenal does not have any Nigerians on their team. The police investigators are convinced, though, that with all the young African talent that comes through Arsenal they are bound to know something about the 419 scams. I would say more but the son of a Nigerian diplomat needs my help getting his father’s $150 million fortune out of the country.

Manchester United – Sodomy

A picture is worth a thousand words.

There is no better way to inaugurate the new, more mature, WWFU than by having the meanest bastard to ever play the game weigh in on something, in this case David Beckham. In the Guardian Sport blog Vinnie talks about Beckham’s impact as a celebrity, Patrick Swayze being a cinema legend, and playing tennis with Claudia Schiffer and Pete Sampras. It’s a pretty interesting read.

Also, no Vinnie Jones post would be complete without his finest moment on the silver screen.

According to some sort of algorithim that gives blogs a MPAA style rating, the WWFU is rated PG. When was the last time you saw a PG rated movie? I think the last one I saw was Night at the Museum, and I only saw it because it was New Year’s Day and I was so hungover that the mere thought of an adult situation made me sick(er) to my stomach. Fear not, though; from now on we will be making a concerted effort to garner ourselves at least a PG-13.

Anal Fisting.

I’m off to Germany for the next week, so I most likely won’t be able to do a timely Fernando Torres day if he, in fact, does join Liverpool from Athletico Madrid as is being reported. So, if in the next week Torres does sign I leave you with this video. If he doesn’t sign this goes out as a tribute to Alan Partridge’s estranged son.